Take me back
by Lecrazyannex
Summary: As Lilly moves on with her life, she loses the ones she loves along the way. When she gets the chance to re-live her life, it's her choices that matter most.
1. Chapter 1

_Look at me now, standing tall. I'm stronger now. I believe now. This is where I'll stay, just look at me now._

Oliver Oken. LillyTruscott. High School Lovers. Couple of the year. But it was time to move on.

_I gotta do the best I can, I'll just have to leave._

When you're seventeen, you believe the world is full of magic. If anything upsetting at all happened, you'd look into your boyfriends eyes, and know it'd be ok. Your boyfriend's dark, magical eyes. Your lips would touch and he'd whisper in your ear 'Everything will be ok.' At the age of twenty-five, things change a little. The best sight you can see are the outfits in shop windows, the ones you can't afford. The ones you work day in day out for, but your change just doesn't add up. Living in a small flat on your own isn't too great either. Getting up each morning to make your own breakfast, to lock the door after you, and then clean up your own mess later.

At seventeen, you take for granted all that is happening around you. You set your mind on the prize, but never think about the concequenes. I wanted to be a script writer for TV drama. I knew it. I had so many ideas in my head, so many plans, that I forgot the people around me. I took too big a leap, and by that time it was too late to step back.

"Ms Truscott, I'm afraid I can no longer stand your unpunctuality any longer."

For seven years I tried my best to get my dream, but it just didn't work. I didn't have enough energy inside of me. I ended up working for an assistant of the assistant to a big time movie producer. I earned little money, I mean how much assistance does and assistant need?! Maybe it was time to leave.

I walked along the sea shore, bare footed. I let my blond hair dangle, swaying slightly by the wind. How did things get this far? I watched as the blue sea sparkled, while shining reflections of the sun, which was slowly disappearing leaving an orange-y glow. It was a beautiful sight, one to be shared with other. I closed my eyes and stood still. Why was I here alone? When did everything change? I took a step back, sat down then lay on my back, still closing my eyes.

Was it when I made this 'dream' every changed? But everyone make dreams. Miley had a dream, and made it big. Why didn't it work for me? So when did everything change?!

Within a few minutes, the sun had completely disappeared, and silver stars shone above me.

**"Stars, oh stars, take me back. Let me fix it all, please?"**

* * *

**Hey :) New story, just trying out some stuff so tell me what you think. Please,please, please review :D xox  
leanne x**


	2. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN HANNAH MONTANA. :) ...**

_You wake up, it's raining and it's monday Looks like one of those rough days Time's up, you're late again, so get out the door_

I turned on my bed and tried to block the sound of my alarm.

_You can change your hair and you can change your clothes You can change your mind, that's just the way it goes You can say goodbye, you can say hello But you'll always find your way back home_

I let out a moan, and then jumped out my skin when I heard a voice shouting, "Lilly Truscott, get up now!"

I sat up straight away. Why was my mom in my house? I swung my legs out the bed and ran towards the door, but stopped as I touched the handle. Slowly I turned on my back heel. This wasn't my flat. I walked back and grabbed my ipod, first thinking why an old Hannah song had woken me up, then checking the time and date. 8:03, September 8th 2009. My head made a sharp turn to the mirror which I looked in on in horror. My hair was curly, and my skin was a darker shade from what I've ever known it to be.

"Lilly!?!" my mom screamed again, but I was too busy too care.

I looked onto my walls which were covered in posters of bands such as Radio Head, The Beatles and even the Jonas Brothers. I also saw many photographs of my childhood, ones I remember trashing when I was twenty.

My door opened and a nineteen -ish year old male stood, "Lilly, please go now, Mom's doing my head in,"

"Craig...?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" he was completely confused.

Craig, my brother. My sick, ill brother. My sick, dead brother.

"Lilly?! What's up? Seen a ghost.

"Sorry..." He slammed the door behind him, leaving me standing alone. Craig died of cancer, shorty before the end of my senior year. It took over his body, and soon he passed away. My whole family were distraught. All I could think of was why I didn't spend enough time with him while was living and well. It had been too late.

I took one last glance at the mirror to seventeen year old face, before quickly leaving to go downstairs.

"Toast is out," My mom said while putting her jacket on, "Won't be home till late, neither will Craig so take your keys."

"Right Mom."

"Bye Sweetie," She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

I sat down on the kitchen stool, and took a sip of my orange juice. What was happening? I caught my eye on a picture in a frame of me in pre school. It was one of Oliver and I together after our school Christmas show, in which I was Mary, and he was Joesph.

I jumped again when hearing my house phone ring. I picked it up and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" I said unsurely.

"Hey Lils, it's Oliver."

"Oh... Hi," I smiled a little, hearing a voice I had not heard in so long.

"Right listen, I'll pick you up in ... 15 minutes? Then we'll go get Miley. I just can't wait to show the guys at school my car, they'll be so jealous."

I giggled remembering that Oliver waas the first to get his license in our year, "Ok."

"Well... new year... new start. Hey, i might even get a girlfriend this year!"

"Keep on dreaming Oken, keep on dreaming."

Oliver told me once again about the arrangements, and I got ready. Most of my clothes seemed old, but I managed to pick out a pair of skinnies and a read and white stripped top. I took my straightners and quickly went over my curls, turning them into waves. I grabbed a bag and flung some pens/pencils in and ran to my front door.

"Bye Craig," I yelled.

"Bye." It felt so good to get a reply.

I stepped out and shut the door behind me. Within a few minutes, Oliver's car turned up and I got into the passengers seat.

"Hey," he greeted me, "Ready senior?"

"Yeah," I smiled. I took a bundle of albums from the back seat and had a look through them. "Metro Station? Old."

"What?" he sounded surprised, "How are they old?"

I then realised Metro Station weren't old, well not in 2009. "Well you know what I mean!"

"No, not really."

We picked up Miley and headed to school. As we walked down the school halls, I got slightly creeped out. Sea View High burnt down in 2011, along with everything in it. The sight then became a housing estate for the elderly.

We found our lockers and received our time tables. After reading it a few times, I had completely memorized it. First thing, Double English with Mr Dunmore.

"I wonder if he's nice," Oliver commented.

"Yeah, I think he is," I replied. Mr Dunmore was in fact a lovely man. Without him, no way would I have passed my end of year exams.

Miley left for her music class, and Oliver and I walked walked together to English. Strangely we sat in the same seats as I could remember us doing so. This was defiently weird.

I continued the day, forgetting what had happened. Why was I seventeen again? It was unreal. Before I knew it, the day ended and Oliver dropped me home.

"This will be a good year, I know it," he said as I got up to leave.

"Yeah maybe," I smiled then watched as he drove off. I got my keys out my bag, but was surprised to find my front door was already open. "Hello?" I called.

"Lils, it's me." I heard Craig's voice coming for the kitchen. I walked in to find him standing in shorts and a t-shirt, holding a glass of water.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concerned.

"Not really, feel awful."

It suddenly occurred to me why he wasn't well. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I took a deep breath and left the room, not wanting to break down in tears.

I decided to have an early night, but then changed my mind later on. I put on some old clothes and made my way down to the beach. It was already dark, so no one was around.

What had happened? Why was I here again? I looked up at the glistening stars. It was then I realised. I'm here to fix things, to start again.

**Hope you liked it :) It's a bit weird but ahh well. Please, please review and tell me what you think. Please? :D  
Leanne xox**


	3. Chapter 3

My brother was diagnosed with leukimea, in September 2009. The exact date, I couldn't remember. He died the following June. The heartbreaking moment when my mother told me this remained in my mind forever after that. I was rushed out the house, as herself and my dad saw to his dead body in his room. I was completely devastated.

I woke up by the sound of my alarm. I looked in the mirror, and had the biggest shock yet: it wasn't all a dream. This was real. I was 17, once again. For some reason, I started pannicing and became very warm and flustered. Why had this happened? How did it happen?

I ran down the stairs to see my mom eating her breakfast at the kitchen table.

"Hey sweetie," she smiled, in an unusual happy way.

"Hey?" I relied unsure.

"You're dad's home today, don't forget."

I nodded slowly, remembering that my dad worked out of town, and only came back for a few nights, every so many months.

"I'll make something special for dinner, for the four of us." I could see how pleased my mom was. To be honest, I couldn't imagine being married, but only seeing your husband two or three times a year. It's not much of a marriage.

"Hiya," my mom beamed, and I turned around to see Craig stand at the kitchen door, "How you feeling?"

"Tired." He shook his short, dark hair and rubbed his face before sitting down beside Mom.

I leaned in front of him and cheesed, "Dad's coming home."

"Woo," he replied, not as energetic as I had hoped.

"Well, dinner will be served at half six, and you both better be here. Right Lilly? No staying at Oliver's till late," My mom announced, standing up and putting her bowl next to the sink.

"Yes mom," Craig and I said in unison. I turned and giggled at the coincidence.

"And are you going to college today Craig?" she asked, picking up her bag for work.

"No."

"Are you going to the doctors then?"

"No."

"Craig...?"

"I'll leave it a few days, see if I get better." She gave him her 'you-better' look, and left.

"So..." I started making conversation, but stopped and looked deeply into his lime, green eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I, I think you should go to the doctors, today."

"Oh, ok _Mom_."

I quickly turned in anger and raced up the stairs. There was no point in shouting back, he'd only disagree. After a short debate in my head, I decided that once I came home from school 'operation get Craig to doctors' was in action. The quicker he went, the better. Right? I counted how many months it was until June with my fingers. Nine. Lord, please help me.

I got changed into another worn out outfit. I decided blue would be my theme today. I smiled in the mirror, as I straightened my curls. I missed being able to wear whatever I wanted out. In work, I had to wear a shirt and tie, with black pants and matching jacket. Seventeen year olds could go as wild as they wanted to. Seventeen year old's were free. My smile disappeared, but then reappeared again. I was seventeen again. I sat down my straighteners and left my room. Oliver had his car waiting in the drive way.

"Hey," I said in an unusually happy tone, which he noticed.

"Hi?" he laughed, "Good morning?"

I was about top say yes, but just before I did, Craig peeped his head out the window.

"It was ok." I said quietly, my mood ruined. I watched as Oliver reversed out. I could tell he was concentrating, so this made me giggle a little.

"What?" he asked.

"You."

"Whatever."

We drove off to Miley's, and then straight to school.

"Morning class," Mr Dunmore said, once we had all seated. "Well it's that time of year again. Most teachers ask you to do them. I personally think it's a load of nonsense, but it's what I'm paid to do." The class laughed a little, "Targets."

Everyone sighed.

"What do you want to achieve this year?" he paused, "But I'm adding on to it a little, seeing as you are seniors after all. What do you want to happen this year? Maybe you want a girlfriend this year?"

I turned to Oliver and laughed. He gave me his 'evil glare'. Oliver, in fact, had had a girlfriend, Joannie. I, however, loved to tease him anyway.

"Or maybe a boyfriend that lasts longer than a one night stand."

I shivered at the thought of what Mr Dunmore was saying. He was directing it to Amber, who was sitting behind me. I turned around to see her giggling with Ashley, her 'side kick'. Oliver made a sick face, and I nodded my head, agreeing. Both Oliver and I were virgins. I had planned to keep it that way until marriage, not because of religious reasons, just because I thought I was too young until then. Having sex was meant to be special.

"Miss Truscott?" Mr Dunmore asked, "What would you like to happen to you in the next year?"

"Err, I, emmm , I," my mind went blank and all I was doing was stuttering," I would like to get a small job and earn money."

"Very Good. Oken?"

"I'd err, I'd want a girlfriend."

Way to go Oliver. The whole class bursts into tears of laughter. Personally, I didn't think it was that funny. So what if somebody wanted a girlfriend? So what if the only girlfriend was a freak named Joannie? So what?

It then dawned on me, how mature I had become. This wasn't the old me. I giggle at myself, but at the wronf moment. Oliver thought I was laughing him and looked at me disappointed.

"No Oliver, I wasn't no-"

"Right," Mr Dunmore started again, "So what you're doing really is an essay about your predictions for the next year. Remember your targets,or I'll be in trouble. Should be between 800 to 1000 words, and you can have the rest of the period to plan. Essay due, this time next week." he smiled, and sat down behind his desk.

I started at my piece of paper. Why was I so stuck? I had already lived my senior year.

The rest of the school day came, and left. Oliver had been awkward with me all day, but I decided to say nothing. Chances are, he'd forget the next day. He dropped me off at my house with a simple, "bye," and then drove off.

I walked into my house, to see my dad standing fixing a broken shelf in my hallway.

"Dad?"I grinned, and ran towards him. The seventeen year old me hadn't seen him in six or seven months ; the twenty-five year old me hadn't seen him in six or seven years. I hugged him tightly.

"What you doing back so early?" I asked.

"Well, I decided I'd sort the place out a bit before your mom got home. It's falling apart without me," he laughed.

I took a deep breath, "I missed you dad."

He nodded, almost tearing up, "I missed you too."

We hugged once more, and I left for my room to get ready for tonight's dinner.

My mom came home delighted to see my dad, and a nice clean house. Something she wasn't used to. Craig and I were lazy. Soon, we were called down stairs, and a plate of strange meats and vegetables were placed in front of us. I didn't even question what it was, I had to eat it.

Conversation started with my dad asking how was our holidays, and then how was school and uni. I could tell he was hurting inside, knowing he wasn't there for us.

"So Craig," he asked, "What are you planning to do after uni?"

My heart stop, and a lump formed in my throat.

"Err, well," Craig paused, "I don't know if you remember, but when I was young, you brought me to see this movie."

"What was it called?"

"Errr... I can't remember," Craig laughed, "That's not what's important. Well, this was movie was a cartoon, and at the end of it we stayed behind to watch the credits."

"Right...?"

"And it showed you how you made this cartoon. Well, this fascinated me, and that night I went home and drew some sketches. Dad, since that movie I've always wanted to become an animator. Always."

I looked down, not wanting to cry. I took a few deep breaths and looked up again.

"What about you Lilly?" My mom asked, "Thought that far ahead?"

"Errr... a script writer and producer." Once again, I wanted to cry.

Soon, dinner was over, and I rushed upstairs, not wanting one more minute there. I heard my dad and Craig next door. I tiptoed out, and stood in the hallway, listening to their conversation.

"This was the first I ever drew," Craig said, "And these are a few of my latest."

There was silence for a few seconds but my dad finally spoke, "Son, I, I can't believe I've not seen these before. You're amazing."

"Well, thanks."

"If you don't become this animator, my name isn't John Adam Truscott."

It took me a few minutes to work this out. All of sudden I burst into tears, and ran into my room. Craig would never me an animator, and there was nothing I could do about it.

**Review please? :) Give me your ideas and tell me what you think? thanks .  
**


	4. Chapter 4

"Lilly? Lilly? Lilly?!"

"Yes, sorry, huh?"

I looked out Oliver's car window to see we were parked in the school parking lot. Miley was off today with a stomach bug, so it had been a quick journey to school. One of which I payed no attention to. There was too much on my mind. Craig was going to the doctors today, after feeling horribly ill for over a week. He couldn't understand why I was so adamant he did so, but I had my reasons.

"Lils," Oliver sighed taking his keys out from his engine, "What's up with you?"

"What's up with me?" I asked acting confused, "Nothings up."

"Come on, I don't have to be a brain surgeon to know when somethings wrong."

"Oliver, nothing is wrong. Ok? Just, just leave me alone!" I swung open the car door and slammed it behind me. I walked quickly to the front gates, not wanting to turn back at all. Oliver hadn't deserved that at all, he was just being a friend. I knew I'd need to make it up to him, and would definitely have to give an excuse for my cheek. First, I had to get today over and done with.

This was not such an easy task. Each class dragged on for what felt like forever. My 'avoid Oliver' plan didn't turn out too good either. My class before lunch was English. When I entered the room he was already there with his head down on the desk. I sat down on my chair without saying a word. For a minute or two while everyone was getting seated, there was a silence between us.

"Oliver-" I stopped, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah?" his head shot up and he was looking right at me.

For around ten seconds, I had a massive debate in my head. Should I say I'm sorry and make up an excuse? Run out the class and pretend I have bad cramp? or maybe I could pretend to run out and vomit, he'd think I had caught the bug off Miley?!

"I'm sorry."

I was expecting him to ask what had been wrong with me so I frantically tried to think of a reason. But he didn't.

"It's cool." He smiled, looking directly into my eyes. I stared back long enough for it to become awkward.

I cleared my throat and reached below to get my notes out my bag. "Have you started your essay yet?" I asked, making conversation.

"Erhmm, no."

"Are you being serious? Oliver, it's due for tomorrow." Technically, I didn't have the right to say this; I hadn't started either.

"oops."

I quickly glanced back to him, but he was still looking at me and it wasn't the way he would normally look at me. He was concentrating hard on something. He was concentrating on me. I watched him from the corner of my eye. Eventually he stopped, and turned to his notes.

"I have no idea what to write about," he told me.

"Well, what do you want to happen to you in the next year?"

"Well, I suppose a girlfriend would be nice -and don't laugh!"

"I won't, I won't. Ok, so you want a girlfriend? Well, what do you think will happen to you in the next year?"

"Not that anyway."

"Oliver," I whined, "You never know. She's out there waiting for you."

"Yeah." he replied quietly, not sounding too sure. The class all of a sudden muted, as Mr Dunmore walked in. I wrote Oliver a note telling him to come to mine tonight, and I'll help with the essay. After I passed it, I regretted doing so, but it was too late. Oliver smiled and mouthed '6:30'. I nodded.

At lunch, Oliver and I sat together at our usual table. There was a irregular silence stirring without Miley there. I hardly ate, instead only playing with my food. Oliver messed around on his phone. He recieved a text and began to read it out.

"It's Miley," he told me, "She's feeling a bit bet-"

At that moment my phone also beeped informing me I had a message. I took it out from my bag and looked directly at the display screen. Craig.

"Is that Miley?" Oliver asked, but I ignored him too busy reading my text.

It read:**'Lils, stop worrying. doc says im fine. Craig. :)'**

I sighed and rolled my eyes. This was crap. He was lying, surely. He had cancer, just like before.

"Lilly....? Who was it? Lilly?" My head turned to Oliver.

"Craig, it was Craig."

"Cool," he continued fidgeting with his phone. I watched his eyes as he read his screen. If there was one thing I wanted to do more than anything at that moment, was tell him everything. I trusted him more than anyone. Ok, so he might think I it was weird, but he'd go through it with me.

I gulped, "Oliver?"

He looked up at me and smiled.

"I gotta go," I rushed up off my seat.

"and leave me on my own?"

"Yeah, half six my place tonight, ok?"

I sped walked away as fast as my feet would move. If I told Oliver, he'd ask me questions about his future. He'd ask about his future girlfriends. He'd ask about us. No, I couldn't tell Oliver.

I skipped my last two periods, something I didn't do often. I needed to clear my head. I went straight home, praying my mom wouldn't be back from work early. I walked into my living to find Craig lying on the sofa asleep. I sat opposite him and watched him breathe. I closed my eyes tightly shut.

_"My baby boy!?" my mom howled loud enough for me to hear from in my room. I raced down the stairs to find her with my dad and Craig huddled together on the sofa. Craig looked up at me. He was crying, something he just never did. I walked towards them, not making a sound, but stopped when I got to the coffee table. On it was a folded leaflet reading 'the teenage cancer trust'. My head shot up, but Craig's was back down again. No, please just tell me no. _

I was awoken from my daydream, as Craig moved position on the sofa. As he did so, his top slid up revealing his back. My eye caught on to something very noticeable, tiny blackish purple spots. I moved closer to him, to get a better look only to discover his back was covered with them. I ran my finger on them, but didn't feel anything. These spots were under the skin. Leukemia. I fell on to the floor in a flood of silent tears. I lay back on my cream coloured carpet, staring directly at the ceiling, not caring how stupid I looked. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on nothing but breathing. Nothing but breathing...

_"Lilly, I have cancer ok?! I have cancer."_

_"Craig, stop it," I yelled back, not wanting to here anymore._

_"No! Not until you get it into that tiny little head of yours. I'm going to die!"_

_"No..!" I broke down, "No. There must be something."_

_I reached for the leaflet but he snatched it off me._

_"Lilly, face it, you're going to lose me-"_

My eyes shot open and I looked towards Craig he still lay sound a sleep. Once was bad enough but why did I have to go through this _all_ again? Oh yeah, because I loved Oliver.

**Hey :) Thankyou for the 4 reviews i got, especially smiley349 for the ideas etc :D. Please, please, please, please review. it really does mean the world to me. Tell me what you think. To be honest, these first four chapters were just a long introduction. So please keep reading and reviewing :D ... thanks x  
leanne .ox**


	5. Chapter 5

"Lilly?" My mom called from the kitchen. I had been up in my bedroom starting this essay for at least an hour and so far, had wrote one line explaining my family. You'd think for someone who had already lived the future and knew what will happen to her in the next few years would find this easy. Well, I didn't. "Oliver's here!"

I raced down the stairs and let him in. He followed back up to my room and sat down quietly on the bed. I sat myself the spinny chair which belonged to my desk. I spinned around to face him, "So, this essay." At first, nothing was said. There was a uneasy silence and a very awkward atmosphere.

"I've thought about it -the future," he paused to breathe, "but I couldn't come up with anything."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"My life. What am I going to do when I'm older? And how will I know that I'll get what I want? Where do I go from here?" His voice was weak and life-less.

"You're going to be confident for a start."

I looked behind Oliver and caught my eye on my wall of pictures. Before, when I had just turned twenty, I left home. It was an unexpected decission, even to myself. There was not one specific reason for it really, more a bunch of them. Life had got tough, I was working hard. I seemed to blame everyone but myself. Stupid really. The last image of my room, the place I spent most my teenager years ; my hide out from the world, was my picture wall. 129 tightly cramped pictures of my life all stuck with blue tack and peacefully hanging. It was different this time, one was missing. A patch of purple paint was seen in the centre of the photographs. Picture 130, happened to be one of Oliver and I at my 18th birthday party and happened to be in my bag along with my other belongings. I may have been running away, but I needed something, anything, to remind me of Oliver Oken. My bestfriend, my boyfriend, my life.

I continued, "And you just gotta believe in yourself."

Once I had left, I couldn't stay in touch with anyone. Imagine phoning up Miley, 'Hey Miles, sorry I left so suddenly, hope you don't mind. PS, I'm not coming back.' It wouldn't be right. I considered writing to Oliver, but it just never happened. My excuse to myself was that keeping your mind on the future was best. Then why did I still carry that picture everywhere? All I wanted to know was what he was doing know. It wasn't much, but it seemed impossible.

That was until I switched my TV on one day to find his face right there, infront of me. Oliver Oken had just opened a new record business somewhere in LA and it was set to be a big one. The presenter of the news prgramme asked him questions like 'Who do you have set to manage', etc. Then one question came up, 'What do your family feel about this opportunity?' "My wife is delighted and will be by my side the whole way, and my two daughters are just excited to see their daddy on TV. They think I'm famous"  
I switched the TV off and sat back on the sofa. A tear formed in my eye, but I held it back long enough not to fall. I then reached into my bag and toe my photograph in two. Even though I knew any chance with him was over, having my fears confirmed was heartbreaking.

"If the world was magically and you could do anything you want with your life, what would you do?" I asked.

"I'd become a movie star, or a singer or," he paused, "I'd make lots of money."

"And live alone and miserable?" I laughed.

"No. I'd guess I'd like to have a family one day. I'd love to be a dad."

I smiled.

"But... I don't see that ever happening." he continued.

"What do you mean?" I looked up at him confused.

"Lilly, No one would ever marry me. No one. I don't even think I'll ever get another girlfriend."

"No. Oliver! You could get any girl you wanted, you have to believe that."

"Then where are they now, ae Lilly? Where are they?"

"Oliver," I stood up and walked towards him and sat beside him on the bed, "I believe we all have a perfect match that will appear sometime during our lives. Sometimes we meet this person when we're young, sometimes when we're old. But when we do, we gotta just take the chance and stick with them through everything and anything, forever and always. Oliver, either you'll meet someone you really, really love, or, just discover they've been there all along."

He didn't respond at first, but just looked me directly in the eyes. I stared back for aslong as possible before it became awkward. I moved my eyes away from him but soon found myself staring again. His lips then touched mine.

When my brother died, first life round, I had still been dating Oliver. Without him, I would have killed myself. He became the reason I went to sleep at night, the reason I woke up in the morning and the reason I lived. His voice, his eyes, the touch of his lips -he made everything feel ok, even when it wasn't.

"Lilly? What just happened?" he asked, his voice slow and stale.

I wanted to state the obvious. 'We kissed', but knew he didn't mean it like that. "You tell me."

He leaned in again and we kissed some more. I felt as light as the sky above and could practically hear the fireworks exploding from my head. We fell back together, lying on my bed. My hands rested on his cheeks, his held my shoulders. If only I could put my life on pause and keep this moment in my heart forever, but as I had learned before, nothing lasts forever.

"Lilly Truscott, I can't believe it, you've been here all along," he whispered in my ear. I let my head fall on his shoulders and fell asleep, happier than ever before.

**...  
Hey :) I hope what I'm doing is right letting that happen this early. I think it is. Tell me what you think, and remember I can change it. :) Please review, thanks :) x  
Leanne x**


	6. Chapter 6

I stood at the top of my drive way waiting. It was a beautiful morning: the skies were blue and the air was fresh. I smiled as a car drove up towards me and stopped conveniently in front of me. I opened the door and stepped in.

"Finish the essay?" I asked.

"Yeah," Oliver replied, "Did you?"

I nodded, smiling still. He stared me in the eyes and leaned forward kissing me softly on the lips.

"Ready?" he asked, starting his engine once again.

"Yeah, I think so."

What happened the night before had been special, and by that I don't mean we had sex. It was as if we had found the real us, or in my case, re-discovered it. I told him about how I knew Craig had been keeping a secret from me and had a pretty good feeling it was cancer, leaving out the fact I had already lived my life.

"Have you spoke to him?" Oliver asked as we stopped at a traffic light.

"No, not yet."

He slowly nodded, not knowing excatly how to act or what to say.

"Nervous?"

"A little."

He took a deep, meaningful breath in, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

_"Please, Craig. I want to help you, really I do!"_

_"What could you do? There's no buttom you could press to make it stop. You can't just click your fingers and make it go away. There's nothing for you to do, trust me." _

"Yeah, Im sure."

Oliver stopped his car at our local health centre, where he promised to take me in hope of finding out more about my brothers condition. He had made an oppointment for me before school. The building was small, round and painted in the cheapest shade of blue. To be honest, it was falling apart. I looked up at the entrance sign, 'Malibu West Practice.' It's weird to think the amount of people that walk out of it each and everyday. It's weird to think the emotions felt by all of these people. Some devastated by the news they've just heard, or over the moon, knowing there's a cure. I was about to walk in scared.

"Come on, you can do this," Oliver smiled, took my hand and lead me into the centre. I sat down in the waiting area while he walked to the reception desk. Around me was mostly moms and their kids. The sound of crying gave me a sore head, but i couldn't complain, I would have too if I could.

_"Craig Truscott!" yelled the receptionist._

_Craig, my mom and I all stood up._

_"Lilly, you better stay," my mom said._

_"Please mom, no."_

_"Lilly, sit down." With, that my mom and brother left me sitting on my own, waiting. _

"... Do you know what you are going to say?" I hadn't even noticed Oliver sitting beside me.

"Honestly? I haven't a clue," I paused, "I'll just go in, introduce myself, and see where I get to from there."

Oliver grabbed hold of my hand, but something made me pull away.

"I, I'm sorry, I-"

"Lilly Truscott!"

I continued while standing up, "I'm sorry this is too weird right now." I stopped to look him in the eyes. I could tell he was embarrassed. I grabbed my bag and left.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Gordon," introduced the dark haired women as I entered the room, "Lilly, what can I do for you?"

As a child, I was barely at the doctors. Maybe once when I had the chicken pocks, and a few times as an early teen. I wasn't used to telling them my problems to anyone but Miley and Oliver. Going to a stranger wasn't my thing.

"Well," I took a deep breath, " You're going to think I'm going crazy."

"Go on," she replied calmly

"My brother Craig .. he's been not well for quite a while now. I told him to go to the doctors and he said he did and that he's fine."

"What do you mean by not well?"

"I don't know.. just sick, tired, lifeless. He also has a fever and some bruising under the skin"

"So you're thinking cancer?"

"Am I going crazy?"

"Now, I don't think you're going crazy," she wrote something down on her note pad, making me nervous, "I just think you're a worried sister."

"But don't these all point to leukemia?"

"They can.. but they also point to other things. If Craig has been checked by a doctor then honestly Lilly, you have nothing to worry about."

"But I have this feeling... "

"Feeling?"

"No.. well.. yeah."

Hearing myself really reminded me how weird this whole situation was. I couldn't tell a doctor this. I couldn't tell anyone.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time," I stood up off the chair I was sitting on and headed for the door.

"Lilly," I turned around, "Talk to him, put your mind at rest."

I nodded and left.

My quick dash out was spotted by Oliver who came rushing towards me.

"Lilly? Are you ok? What did the doctor say?"

"I'm going nuts Oliver!" I burst into tears. He wrapped me in his arms as I cried on his shoulder. I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder.

After I had finally calmed down, Oliver let go of me. "Lils, whatever is going on forget about it right now. I'm going to take you to school and you're going to have a normal day. ok? I'm here."

I smiled, as much as I could, and kissed his cheek.

*******

As soon as Miley set foot in the car I knew I was about to hear how much she was too ill to be at school, and how her dad was making her go, and how her life wasn't fair. It was times like these I wished I was twenty five again.

"He has cancelled my concert tonight! He's making me go to school.. but won't let me do a concert!"

"Miles, I thought you weren't well," I said to make conversation, otherwise not caring.

"I'm ok, I mean, I'll live," she paused to think, "So have I missed much?"

"In the one day you were off?" Oliver laughed, "No, not much."

In then occurred to me. Miley didn't know about me and Oliver. I didn't even know about me and Oliver. Were we an offical couple? or just a one night joke. I turned to see him driving. His jet black hair, his shy smile... everything about him, made me fall in love. I was scared. Scared when he held my hand, scared to kiss him on the lips. It was this fear that drove me away the last time. It was this fear that made me lose him.

"Miley?" I called to her in the backseat, "Oliver and I are dating now."

"Honestly?!" she replied in complete shock.

"Yeah," Oliver, smiling, "Me and Lilly are a couple now."

**  
Hey :) Sorry it has took me sooo long to update. I really hope people will still read this, but I totally understand if you don't. It's a bad chapter, ok? lol I promise I'll do better. Oh and I'm really sorry but I have no clue what Americans call the doctors so I'm sorry if I was wrong.**

Leanne xx


	7. Chapter 7

Most teachers take forever to mark the smallest amounts of work. Not Mr Dunmore. After handing it in second period, he had promised he'd have it ready to collect by the end of the day. Oliver and I met up at our lockers and began walking to his class room, discussing what we thought our marks would be.

"Honestly Lils, I have failed this. I just wrote a pile of rubbish. It didn't even make sense," he told me.

"Don't say that, I bet you'll do just great."

I was fairly confident that I'd do well. Afterall, it was my second go at it.

When we reached the class room, Mr Dunmore was out but had left our papers on his desk.

"An A+? Sweet!" Oliver said surprised before I had the chance to look at my mark. I congratulated him and looked down at my essay. I only got a B.

"That's really great Oliver," I said, avoiding reveling my mark, "See, I told you." I quickly shoved the paper into my bag.

"Well that's a nice surprise to end the day."

I smiled and put my arms around his waist, "Oliver, it's four o'clock. The day is hardly over. Why don't you stop by my house tonight?"

"Ooo, two nights in a row? You're gonna start thinking this life's all about you with me spoiling you like this, you know," he replied with a grin across his face.

"Well, ok then. Don't come. Suit yourself."

"No, no no-! I think I can make it."

I grabbed hold of his hand and we walked out of school together. We met up with Miley and he drove us both home.

"Wait," Oliver said just as I opened the door to get out of his car, "What did you get? You didn't tell me."

"I got a B," I smiled slightly.

"That's great Lils!"

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed.

"No, it is!"

"Listen," I said changing the subject, "Just come over whenever, I'm not doing much tonight."

"Ok," he said, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

I stepped out and watched as he drove away. As I got to the door I discovered it was locked. Slowly unlocking it and walking into the living room, I expected no one to be in but was surprised to see my mom, dad and Craig all sitting. There was nothing going on ; no expressions on their face ; nobody said a word.

"What's going on?" I asked. Not getting an answer I tried again, "What has happened?"

Eventually my dad turned his head, "Your brother went to the doctor yesterday morning and had a blood test taken."

"And?"

My mom also turned to me. I now noticed the tears running down from her puffy eyes. "He has cancer."

All of a sudden, everything stopped. I expected myself to cry -but I didn't. It wasn't as if hearing this news for a second time made it any better -it most definetly didn't. I was scared more than anything. My worst nightmare had been confirmed. I didn't know what to do with myself. I said nothing.

***

"Where are they now?"

"The hospital, getting him properly checked out."

Oliver came to mine around 8 o'clock. Both my parents were away with Craig so we had the house to ourselves. My dad had later text me to say both him and my mom were staying the night at the hospital and to make sure I locked the door before I went to sleep.

"I'm so sorry Lils," Oliver hugged me as we lay on the sofa together, "Please remember I'm here for you."

"Uhuh," I began to cry for the first time that night. He ran his fingers through my hair trying to calm me. " Oliver, will you stay the night?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

I closed my eyes and listened to quiet for aslong as possible. I felt myself about to cry harder and had to speak before I did.

"Oliver?" I took a deep breath, "Something isn't right."

"What isn't?"

"My life. Oliver I knew this was going to happen. I knew it all."

"Weren't you just expecting the worse? We all do Lils."

"But it was so clear. I knew everything that would happen. I feel like I've been through this all before"

"Like Deja-vu?"

"Yeah, kind of."

I closed my eyes and left it at that.

**Hey.. Sorry this took so long and sorry it's so short. Please forgive and keep reading and reviewing. Thanks x**


	8. Chapter 8

So life continued. I wish I could say it went normally, but I would be lying. Craig wasn't doing good at all. He was dying slowly. I got to the stage I could no longer look him in the eye without breaking down inside. How could living be so hard? Nothing was right. No questions could be answered. Each and every time I looked in the mirror, I saw a different person looking back. Sometimes I would be positive, other times I'd be utterly depressed.

As winter drew closer, I found it harder to keep going. I had been through 3 months of confusion and hurt, just like before. The more I thought about it, the more mad I seemed. No way could someone just live their life again. It all sounded like out of one of the crazy movies you get, which tend to bore you to tears. I began to doubt myself. Maybe I dreamt the whole thing. I tried my hardest to believe this, but everything which was happening was so fresh in my mind, I just couldn't. Everything happened in the order it already had. No one could get a crazy dream like that. No dream could be that accurately.

My relationship with Oliver had it's ups and downs. Often I found myself hating him, but there wasn't once I could say our arguments were his fault. My mind was so messed up, I didn't know how to act with people anymore. Oliver Oken was anything but hurtful. He always knew excactly how to treat me when I was in one of my many moods, but unfortunately, nine times out of ten, I'd flip at him and that would be another one of our break ups there and then. It got to the stage he couldn't take my anger seriously. Whenever I'd scream at him to leave, he'd just kiss my cheek and tell me he'd call me later. This would usually be followed by me smashing something.

Both my parents quit their jobs. My mom became a full time carer for Craig and my dad became a shop assistant nearby my house, so if there was an emergency, he could there. The house had been scrubbed from head to toe, and nothing could be dirty. If Craig were to catch any infections he'd die, just like that. I began to fell a little trapped, having to make sure everything I did in my own home was ok. Sometimes I'd stop and think how bad Craig must be taking it. My mom had been at his side every second since he was diagnosed. I could see he was ill, but he was being treated like a prisoner. He couldn't go out unless it was to the hospital becase my mom assumed he'd be too weak and eventually collapse and die. I knew that wasn't true. Some days Craig looked perfectly fine and could easily go out and enjoy himself. That is only because he was Craig and that's what he was like. He could have pushed himself in any way he wanted, but my mom stopped him. The days in which he felt great, were usually followed by a number of days where he'd feel awful. But that was just like any cancer patient, Good days and bad days.

"Lilly.. come on. You don't mean to tell me you haven't seen this movie before?" Craig laughed as he lay on the sofa controlling the remote.

"Well, Sorry if i decide not to watch rubbish like that" I replied, not amused.

Taking a deep breath, Craig spoke again, "Stuff this, I'm getting out."

"Seriously?"

It was now December and my mom finally trusted Craig enough to stay by himself for ten minutes while she popped out for a trip to the supermarket. It had been a good day, meaning he hadn't been sick yet and had actually managed to get out of bed without assistance.

"Let's go lil' sis. Let's go for a walk."

I smiled and quickly rushed to get his shoes and jacket. As he stood up, it reminded me of how tall he actually was. Recently he had been slouching alot and seeing him stand straight was a great sight.

Outside, the sun was shining unusually bright for a winters morning. A gentle breeze moved my hair slightly as I helped Craig down the steps to my house. I carefully linked my arm with his and we began to walk side by side down the street. He didn't look particularly great. His face was still as pale as it had been, but he had alot more feeling to him. He was used to doing great things in his life, it was amazing to see after months of pain, this simple thing was such an accomplishment to him.

"So while I've been locked up and cared for, how has your life been?" he asked as we slowly strolled.

I wanted to say 'better than yours' but was sure he was dying to hear something else. "It's been ok."

"Here, what about Oliver? You don't talk much about him anymore."

"He's great."

"Listen Lils, don't be afraid to tell me you're worries, I'm all ears."

"To be honest, you're my main concern right now and I'm sorry. I can't stop worrying about you," I paused to think, "But if you want something a little different to talk about, I'm worried I'm going to lose Oliver. I've been such a pain recently, I feel bad the fact he puts up with it."

"Lilly, he puts up with it because he's know you well enough to see that this isn't the real you. He'll see that you have a lot on your mind at the moment, and he'll help you through it. You do realise not all men are jerks."

As he spoke, I remembered his last girlfriend. Their relationship ended just before he was diagnosed. If it hadn't, they'd still be together, no matter how ill he was. He knew how to treat a lady well, but unfortunately she had a nights stand with another guy. This truly broke Craig's heart.

"You should bring him over more," he continued, "We hardly ever see him now."

"As if Mom would let me. She'd have to make him shower first, ensure he isn't carrying infections etc."

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Are you being serious? You have nothing to feel sorry for. "

"Lils," he sighed stopping to sit on a bit of grass. I followed doing the same. "I've not made my mind completely up yet but I'm pretty sure I'm certain."

"Certain with what?"

"I don't think I'm going to go through the treament. Personally I'd rather die happy than be put through the pain of it."

I couldn't reply.

**Hey. Sorry it's been so long and I know no one will really be interested now, but hey! I updated anyway . enjoy =) x**


	9. Chapter 9

"CRAIG TRUSCOTT !" My mom hadn't even stepped in the door before she began shouting. She made her way into the living room where Craig and I were sitting, "Where have you been? I have been phoning and phoning you and what? no answer! This is no joke. Did you leave this house? Even though I specifically told you not to -what would happen if you collapsed? How would we know? You could be lying anywhere. I've been over this millions of times with you. A person in your condition shouldn't be out on your own!"

I took a huge risk, "He wasn't on his own, he was with me."

Her head whizzed round to face me, "You... You took your sick brother out. Lilly Turscott, do you know what you could have done to him? I trusted you to take care of your brother and I'm sorry if that was too hard a task and I'm sorry if you were bored and wanted to go out, risking his life-"

"I took her out mom," Craig interupted. My mom stared at us. It was the first time I had noticed that her appearance had changed. Her shoulder length hair had been shoved up into a high pony tail, and her face was dry. She had no make-up on at all which left her looking bare. I could tell she was about to break down. She had spent months of fighting and it was not doing her any good. "I'm sorry mom, I needed some fresh air. ok? I am the one who is bored and wanted out. I risked my own life."

Without saying anything, my mom began to walk out but stopped at the door, "Come on, I'm taking you to the doctors, he can tell us what you can and can't do."

"I don't care what doctors say. I know my own body, ok? I know what I can and can't do."

"Please Craig."

"Fine," he nodded and headed for the car. I had to stop and think why he may be doing it. He was usually one for standing up for what he wants and doesn't let my mom win in any arguement. It then hit me excatly why he was going for. A fight.

I pleaded with my mom to let me go. I had to. She eventually got fed and agreed that I could go. I sat in the back of the car with Craig. No one attempted to make conversation at all during the journey. Instead we drove in silence.

Unfortunally we got the same doctor that had seen me only a few months before who must of thought I had been going nuts. I wasn't allowed in at first, but after another arguement, my mom let me. I knew I had to be there for Craig and not let my mom stop me, unlike before.

_Craig Truscott!" yelled the receptionist._

_Craig, my mom and I all stood up._

_"Lilly, you better stay," my mom said._

_"Please mom, no."_

_"Lilly, sit down." With, that my mom and brother left me sitting on my own, waiting. _

"Hello, I'm Doctor Gordon, what can I help you with today?" The doctor began. She had a fake smile on her face, trying to look like she enjoyed what she was doing. Her dark hair was tied up and she wore a long white lab coat. I couldn't understand why, she wasn't a scientist.

"My son Craig has been recently diagnosed with Acute lymphocytic leukemia," my mom. I could tell that my mom would not let Craig speak at all, but was just waiting for him to but in. "We're here to find out what we do next."

"Well what treatment has he had so far?"

"His chemotherapy has started."

"How are you finding that Craig?"

"He's been ok. His hair is yet to fall out, but has been effected a lot by vomiting."

"Well, I will really have to reffer you to a specialist up at the hospital."

My Mom continued talking, "What we are here for really is to find out what Craig is capable of. He now wants out more and I don't know if I should let him, seeing as I don't want him to be without me and-"

"-What if I stop my treatment?" The room fell silent as Craig spoke.

My mom's face turned to disgust, "What do you mean stop your treatment?"

"What if I decided enough was enough? Maybe I'm sick of being sick mom."

"You, You're telling me you want to die?"

Craig stayed silent so Doctor Gordon stepped in, "I understand that you must be hurting by all of this, but I don't not recommed you stop your treatment. It may not seem like it, but you are a young man with his whole life infront of him. If you stick by this treatment, you will get better."

"You're saying that as if this will all go away," Craig voice was now loud and clear, "I'm going to have this with me for the rest of my life. Soon my hair will fall out, and when that grows back-" He stopped not being able to speak. Something was obviously hurting him so badly that it left him speechless. "I might not be able to be a dad."

"Craig, please listen to me. We can all get through this. You're hair will grow back, and we have way to make sure you can have children. And Mrs Truscott, I truly believe your son is capable to go out, he deserves it."

I began to wish I hadn't been there. It was all becoming too much. I looked over to the door, knowing I could easily leave if I wanted. I didn't ; something made me stay.

The Doctor continued, speaking softly, "Now assuming you are going through with everything, after chemo, you will have to think on. The specialist at the hospital is likely to tell you, you will need a Stem Cell Transplant to form new bloods cells. This must be from someone in the same blood type. There are no definets but they usually test family member to see if there is a match."

Something then clicked in my head. I knew why I had came to the doctors that day, "I'll do it. I'll get tested."

Once again, no one spoke. My mom who had been silent for a while didn't even looked at me. I was determined I'd do it. I needed to do everything I could to save him, that's why I was there.

The silence lasted until we got home. My dad was waiting patiently for our return and when he heard the story, he said nothing. I felt sorry for Craig again. All he wanted was some answers and instead no one was saying anything.

I went to room where I spent the rest of the night. It had not been an easy day, but I felt I was a step closer to figuring everything out. I began sorting some notebooks from my desk out. It amused me to read some of the stupid things I had wrote previously as a teenager. I came across a list of 50 things I had to do before I died. It may have been a lame thing to do and I may have laughed a little at the stupidity of it, but it hurt me seeing the things I hadn't done.

_..._  
_46. Go Sky Diving _  
_47. Visit Europe _  
_48. Become an aunt _  
_49. Cut my hair short _  
_50. Be with Oliver forever._

As I finished reading, I took out my cell phone and dialed a familiar number. Unfortunally, I had to leave a message.

"Hey Oliver, I've been thinking about you. Please call back soon. I love you "

**Hey. Sorry for any mistakes in this. Please review and tell me thoughts :) **


	10. Chapter 10

Hey. Can I please say before you read this that I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right. PLease stop me if you think I'm not. Oh, and also, this is a short chapter leading up to the next. :) Leanne x

"Hey Lilly, I'm sorry I missed your phone call earlier. I just want to let you know, I love you too, I really do. I know you're hurting right now because of Craig, but I'm here for you and I always will be. "

I repeated the voice mail over and over again as I lay in bed. I didn't mean to ignore my phone as Oliver called me back, but I had been out of the room. I knew I could easily call back, but also really enjoyed the moment I was having. His voice calmed me in a way no other voice did. My hall looked dark, but my room was lit up by my small bedside light. My mom and dad were away to bed but I could hear the TV downstairs from where Craig was and had been all night.

"Hey Lilly, I'm sorry I missed your phone call earlier. I just want to let you know, I love you too, I really do. I know you're hurting right now because of Craig, but I'm here for you and I always will be. "

I must have played it at least fifteen times before I put down my phone. It was now just past midnight and I wasn't nearly tired enough to sleep. I was ready for bed, with my teeth brushed and puple dotted pajamas on. I had the option of sitting on my laptop all night long, but why waste the hours? I looked at my phone again. I could just call back now but something stopped me. I was overjoyed by the sound of my ringtone gong off. He was phoning me.

"Hello," I said sweetly.

"Lils, are you busy?" his voice wasn't quite as calm as his message had been.

"No, not at all. Oliver are you ok?" I was concerned that something wasn't right with him.

"I'm outside your house. Do you think you come out?"

"Ermm," I wasn't sure what to say, "Yeah."

As I hung up I realised what I was wearing. I debated whether or not I should change, but decided against it. I made my way down my stairs, careful not to make noise. I soon realised Craig was up and would notice me leaving but just risked it anyway. Chances are he'd be napping on the sofa anyway or be fully concentrated on one of his stupid movies. As I unlocked the door and stepped out, Oliver stood just like he had said.

"Oliver, what's wrong?" I sounded a little too panicked.

"Nothing, well nothing really. My mom and dad are fighting and I was sick of that and after hearing your message I just really, really needed to see you."

I smirked a little, "Oliver, I am out on a freezing cold winter night in my pajamas because I thought it was an emergancy. I look like a freak."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't wait till tomorrow. Are your parents up?"

"No but Craig is," I looked into his eyes and considered whether taking him into my house was a good idea or not, "Come in."

We crept inside my house silently but could not help being heard.

"Lilly?" Craig's voice came from the living room. We walked in together and sat down on the sofa across from him. "Should I even bother asking?"

"Probably best not to," I replied.

"So Oliver Oken," Craig began sitting up properly, "Myself and Lilly were talking about you today. Hear you're treating my lil' sis great."

"Ehrmmm yeah, I think I have."

"He has, don't worry," I butted in.

They started discussing school and work, while I sat back and smiled. It was amazing to see the two people in the whole who meant most to me together laughing and joking. Unfortunally during my joy, there was a quick burst of sadness as I realised that I had previously lost both of these people.

"I'd best get going," Oliver said standing up.

"Don't," I spoke before thinking properly, "Stay the night. My mom and dad probably won't notice you and Craig won't tell. Right Craig?"

"I suppose," he sighed, then smiled.

I took Oliver's hand and lead him out. "Night Craig," I called. Slowly we made our way up the stairs making no noise. Once we reached my room and the door was shut I grabbed hold of him and started to kiss him. Eventually we fell on the bed and the kissing became more passionate.

"Lilly, I love you so much," Oliver said between kisses, "If only this moment could last forever."

Thinking about it, I replied, "I really, really wish it could." I stopped to take a deap breath, "Oliver, you know that you mean the world to me, don't you?"

He saw I was getting teary so quickly became concerned.

I continued, "Just, please, remember that? ok. I kn -think, I think that things might get a bit rough, and I know me. I mess things up. I'm not a strong person, I wimp out in tough situations. I scared I ruin us. Everything we have. Everything. "

"No, Lils, you won't. I won't let you. Oh and you, not a strong person ? You are the strongest I know."

I shook my head, " No. No I'm not." My head was all over the place, "Oliver, what would you say if I told you that..."

"Told me what?"

"What if I told you that I know that Craig is going to die next June? What if I told you my parents are going to split up soon after and that I'm not going to get into college? And, what if I told you that after our graduation, you'll never see me again?"

"I'd take your hand," he paused, "And I'd listen."


	11. Chapter 11

**I think I'm taking a bit of a risk , but here goes... **

"Oliver, nothing is right. You can call me crazy, but I've lived my life before. This has all happened to me before. "

I looked at him looking at me. He didn't have a freaked out expression like I had expected, instead he was thinking. Eventually he spoke, "You, you knew he was going to take ill, last September."

I nodded, "And I know he's going to die in June, and I know my mom and dad will split up and I know we will too. Then I'll move away, and make a right mess of my life." I was somehow out of breath.

Oliver shook his head, "but me and you, we're forever. We're not like other couples our age, we're going to get married and start a life with each other. And your brother is going to get better, he's under great care at the hospital, and- No, Lilly, no."

I was no longer a little bit teary ; I was now crying. "Oliver, like I said, I mess up alot."

We both sat up from my bed. He was squeezing my hands tightly. I wasn't sure how much sense I was making, but he sure understood me

"How- How? could this even be possible?"

"I don't know. I just woke up one day, seventeen again. I know it sounds all fairytale like and I've still not quite got my head around it, but I know it's the truth. I'm finding it hard to believe it myself, even though I really want to and know it happened but whether you believe me or not, I had to tell someone and you mean more to me than anyone, and I love you and before I lost you and -"

"-Lilly. I believe you."

I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I believe you because I love you and- " he let go of one of my hands and lifted up my chin, "because your eyes show me you're telling the truth."

I hugged him tightly and for the first time in four months, I felt like I was where I should be, in Oliver's arms.

"So, please Lilly, help me understand this. How, how old should you be?"

"I -we, we should be twenty seven."

"And what happened to us?"

"Well we, we split up soon after graduation. I couldn't get into college, and you? At the time I couldn't care less about. I moved out when I was twenty into a place of my own and by that time, you were far away. I finally got a job as an assitant to an assitant of a big time movie producer, but lived all alone. You opened a recording studio and you had two kids and a wife who was 'delighted' with your work,or at least according to you in your tv interview I happened to watch one day."

"No. No way. You're meant to be the big time movie producer, and you're the one who wanted kids and a marriage. "

"It doesn't work like that. Or, at least it didn't."

"Do, do yo- you believe all this will happen ag-again?" he was stuttering so much I was pretty sure he would begin to cry.

"Craig's ill again, isn't he?"

"I, I don't what to say. I don't know how to comfort you. I, I'm so sorry Lils, I just don't know."

I could tell he was getting hot and flustered. I, too, felt very uncomfortable. The room had became stuffy and tense.

"Ollie, do you want to go outside?" I asked.

At first he looked at me like I was mad but then realised what I meant, "Through the escape route?"

I smiled and nodded, wiping away my tears. When Oliver and I were kids, we planned out an escape route which lead us from my room out the window, out onto the roof of my garage and into my garden. We would only ever use it if we were running away from my mom or when playing hide and seek with anyone else who visited my house. It was not much of a mysterious route, anyone could figure it out but it was our secret escape and it helped us in trouble. That was all that mattered

Without wasting much time, I grabbed my black hooded top and headed quickly for the window. Carefully I opened it feeling the breeze from the outside.

"Me first I guess?" One foot climbed through followed by the other. Oliver slowly lowered me down on the garage roof. I jumped down on to the soft, cold grass. I then watched as Oliver made his way down in half the time I took. I grabbed hold of his hand and we walked towards the other side of the lawn.

"Oliver, I'm sorry if I've left you confused and not knowing what to believe but can I just say, nothing like this should ever be able to happen, but I know in my heart it really did. "

"Lils, I believe you. Like I said, I can see you're telling the truth and plus, you're a bad liar, you could never pull off something like this," he smirked. I replied with a playful hit. "What about Miley, where does she go from here?"

"Miley, I can't tell you about. Hannah? I heard about everyday. She has another couple of world tours, a few more albums ... and oh, she apparently dated Simon Cowell, but I may have just read that off a lame gossip website. Miley, I lost complete touch with her."

Taking it all in, Oliver listen carefully to every word I said. "So what happens now?"

"I'm not sure. Things like this don't just happen, there must be some reason I'm here again."

"To spend more time with Craig."

"Yeah," I replied.

He pulled me in closely for a hug. I could hear his heart beating as fast as mine. His chest moved with every slow breath he took.

"I'm scared and I'm lost," I spoke slowly and steadily, "I know what happened but putting the pieces together, it can't have happened. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"You're Lilly Truscott, and you're here. You are a seventeen year old from Malibu with her whole life infront of her. You have your mom, dad and brother inside your house, and you have me. I'm not leaving. Lils, you are so independant and brave. You are such a strong person, I know you'll get through whatever life throws at you. I love you Lilly Truscott."

I smiled, "I love you too Oliver Oscar Oken."

He grinned, "We're using middle names now Lillian Martha Truscott?"

I kissed him gently on the lips. It was an awkward kiss because we were both smiling but it was nice.

I giggled, "Look at us. We're kissing in the middle of my yard, half way through the night, I'm in my purple spotted pj's and we're both emoitional wrecks."

"Well, it's a beautiful night," he replied looking to the sky, "It's really cold -but it's beautiful."

I looked up above me into the night's sky. The stars shone like pearls in a sea of black.

_Stars, oh stars, take me back. Let me fix it all, please?_

"I was walking along a beach, the sun was going down and there was stars. I was all alone."

Oliver looked at me, waiting for an explination.

"Just before everything changed. I had just lost my job and, " I paused, "I felt lifeless. I took a walk down the beach and I lay down. "

"Lilly, I'm afraid however hard you try you won't make sense of all this. You'll get through this, though it may be hard. Whatever miracle has happened to you, you're meant to be here right now. Something must be here at this time of your life that you need to change, something about your life that isn't quite right . Remember, everything happens for a reason."

"Ooo, clich ," I smiled slightly. I may have made fun of him, but I agreed with everything he said. What he was saying was right.

"Just remember I'm here for you Lilly."

My head fell against his shoulder as my arms wrapped his body. I could feel his fingers run through my hair and all of a sudden, I believed in everything. For once, I believed in myself.

**_'A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity. ' -Robert Hall_**

**Please review and tell me what you think ... I hope it's ok and no one is disappointed , Leanne x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys :) Sorry for not posting in a while. I just wanted to say that whats in _italics _is what Lilly is remember. Just incase people get a little confused **

"I'M NOT GOING MOM!"

I rushed down the stairs to see what was going on. For the past hour all I could hear was shouting.

"Craig, honey, you have to. Do you think I want to see my boy in a horrible place like that, but the doctors say with your chemo and everything, you must go." My mom's voice was soft and calm.

"NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"Stop shouting and listen to your mother!" My dad had to butt in.

I stopped at the door outside my kitchen, deciding not to get invloved and just to listen. I knelt down and rested against the wall. Looking out the window, I sighed. It was a beautiful hot summer's day in June. Horrible, horrible June. As fast as the nine months between then and when I woke up here went, it was tough. I hadn't spent as much quality time with Craig as I had hoped because there always seemed to be something in the way of us being together.

I peeked my head round the door. Craig was a mess. His hair was starting to fall out clump by clump. His beautiful dark hair. It was going, just like before.

_"ARGHH!"_

_"Craig, think before you do anything."_

_"I can't take this anymore, I need it all off!" _

"I'll go into hospital for what? To have my hair all out and feel miserable?" He said

"No! To live! You have to, and your hair might fall out but it will grow back once it's all over." My mom's voice was getting louder and fiercer.

"I should just cut it off, you know. May as well."

From just listening, I could tell he wasn't thinking straight. He was going into strange moods, happy one minute, distraught the next.

"ARGHHH!"

"Craig, think before you do anything."

"I can't take this anymore, I need it all off!"

I shook my head in disbelief. I could feel dejavu and it was worrying me. This had definitely happened before. I shut my eyes and tried to imagine the moment.

_"Mom, I really can't. I won't!"_

"Mom, I really can't. I won't!"

_"You have to, or you'll die. Unfortunately it's as simple as that, and I'm sorry it's that way"_

"You have to, or you'll die. Unfortunately it's as simple as that, and I'm sorry it's that way"

_"ARGGHHH" Craig stomped past me to his room._

"ARGGHHH" Craig stomped past me to his room.

_"He'll come through when he realises this is life and death we're talking about," My dad was now a little more relaxed._

_"What if he doesn't? What if he refuses? He's old enough for the doctors to listen to his request over ours. He's not sure what he wants right now!"_

_"Well there's no point panicking about it now, is there?"_

_"THIS IS ABOUT YOUR SON! HE COULD DIE ANY TIME NOW. -don't you feel anything?"_

_"Heather, obviously I do, but in his condition, there is nothing we can do. You said it yourself, he's not thinking straight. We can't go shouting and screaming at him because he's a young man, he's going to disobey us."_

_"Then can't we go up and just talk with him. Us parents to our son."_

_"Ok, but no pressuring him into anything or else he's going to do the exact opposite."_

_Moments later my moms piercing scream filled the house ._

_"HE'S DEAD, MY BABY'S DEAD!"_

_I got rushed out the house. _

I shot into life.

"He'll come through when he," I could hear my dad speak but I began running up the stairs.

I pulled the handle on Craig's door but it wouldn't budge.

"Craig, are , are you alright? Let me in please!"

"Go away!"

I was so relieved to hear his voice. I took and deep breath and ran straight for the door, surprising myself that it actually opened for me.

My heart stopped and dropped to my stomach. My legs turned to jelly and my hands started to shake. There he was. My brother Craig. Right in front of me with a knife in his hand and a tear on his cheek. There was my brother Craig alive. There was my brother Craig about to commit suicide.

"Drop it Craig. Please. Drop the knife."

He ignored my pleas, but still did nothing.

"You don't understand," He shivered as he spoke, "No one understands. There's no point in me being here. I'm better off dead."

"No! No! This isn't my brother Craig in front of me. My brother is strong. He might be ill, but he can get through this. My brother Craig knows that whatever happens to him, he will never give up. I know this because he taught me that."

"It's just, so, so hard. "

"So you want to give up?" I was crying, but was trying so hard to get my words out. These words that could change his life.

"I- I," he dropped the knife," I just don't know anymore."

He fell to the floor crying so I walked over and hugged him. Eventually he hugged back and we sat together and wept.

My brother Craig didn't die in June, because I saved him in time. I was brought back to make a difference. I saved my brother's life.

**That isn't the end by the way, it's just kind of the end of the first half kind of thing. Thanks for reading and please review. Oh and sorry it's really short. The next few chapters will be longer, I promise. Leanne x**


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